Murder my Heart
by CandyassGoth
Summary: "You are an attachment men screw on the bed to get the housework done..." Yugi has been nothing but a pleasure object his whole miserable life, scarred and brainwashed by years of constant abuse. Can one man set him free from his imprisonment? ANGSTY...ISH NOT FOR CHILDREN. Mature work.


**Warnings: Sad, disturbing stuff. Implied underage sex and abuse. Kinda…M-rated, use your imagination. No direct lemon though.**

**I do not own YuGiOh. **

**Murder my Heart**

The night air was chilly outside, the raindrops pitter-pattering against the murky windows as the wind blew it in all directions from the downfall of the storm. The weather was close to snowing; the cold that nibbled at the tips of everyone's fingers proved it. Winter was always so harsh in this town, always so unforgiving. It made Yugi _extremely_ grateful to be inside a warm house in such a terrible, chilling night.

Though as cold as it was outside, the air inside the particular house in the suburbs of Domino City was stuffy and hot, especially in the master bedroom. The filthy and cracked windows had fogged up some time ago and they were now only letting up, the moisture collecting quickly as it condensed into water droplets, clinging to the transparent glass like leeches. They eerily reminded the small teen strew on the bed as tears. _His own tears_… _Sad tears_... He wanted to wipe them away, but he knew that only more would form in their place.

Just like his own tears… no matter how many he wiped away, they would return, worse than before.

Yugi was lying on his back, his head hanging somewhat off the edge of the bed so that he stared upside down at the foggy window. He swallowed thickly, his small Adam's apple bobbing lightly in reaction. He was stark naked, drenched in sweat and semen and other fluids from his latest partner.

_No…_

_Not partner…_

Sugar daddy…

…_yes…his sugar daddy…_

He had not a scrap of dignity to cover his bare flesh as the air around him cooled down from the heat it had absorbed from the previous actions undertaken in the room. His short and pale legs still spread wide apart. They had been that way to allow his 'man' to take him. He could practically do the splits now, his body nimble and flexible from years of practice and stretching despite how taunt and painful it was right now.

His hair was damp and mattered to his head, the sweat clinging to his upper lip and forehead, dripping down his temple and onto the white sheet. His eyes fluttered at the tickle it created against his skin. His head was pounding with a headache that began to drive him insane, his face twisting into a horrid grimace.

Semen and other bodily fluids were splashed over his skin, white and red mixing to create a strange pink substance. His thighs and forearms were patterned with a series of cuts and bruises that seemed to create a dark mosaic on his tender, young flesh, marring his creamy skin so that it would scar him for life. He could feel the blood and cum already drying up on his skin, forming disgusting, crusty layers that would be a bitch to wash off.

However, he did not get up.

He did not move…

He lay still…

He stared with unseeing eyes at the upside down window, falsely watching the droplets built up. His body hurt so badly. He had barely recovered from the last wounds before _he_ made more.

_Why…?_

Didn't _he_ care?

Did he care he was hurting someone, causing them physical and emotional pain?

_No…of course not… no one cared for Yugi…he was a toy, a dog…a __**bitch**__…_

Yugi could not understand why everyone hated him; he could not fathom why everyone hurt him. Was he so ugly?

_No…it couldn't be that…he was often told how beautiful he was, shown off to multiple men to boost his current partner's ego. He was always told how gorgeous he was…how sexy…how very… fuckable…_

_Maybe it was because he was useless…? _

No…it couldn't be that either…he was useful in some ways…he knew a lot. He could cook, he could clean…he could be pretty, he could please a man…he could give extreme pleasure. He was taught how to be a good fuck, taught from a young age.

From his _foster father_…

He wished he could hate that man, but he realized he was only helping him. It took a long time for Yugi to realize that. He had taught Yugi how to _survive_. Only smart men made it in the world, small simple boys like him would fail and suffer…he would not manage on his own, and his foster father knew that. That's why he taught him to be the way he was. That was why foster father adopted him…he adopted him to help him…

And Yugi liked it…he was good at it…it was all he knew…

He heard Bakura's heavy drunken foot steps thudding downstairs, followed by a few clinks and the sound of the front door slamming. The very power behind it seemed to rattle the house and almost shook Yugi's frame. He sighed in relief at being left alone, and shifted a leg, wincing at the shooting pain in his lower regions.

Bakura was his current 'support'. The man was some insane thief, a little bipolar and a hectic sadist. Yugi been with him for almost two weeks now, earning his bed and food by 'keeping' Bakura's bed and feeding his fantasies. He was already full of cuts and bruises from all the knives the thief possessed, often held down, and mutilated so the man could suck on his wounds as they fucked. The man was utterly senile, he began scaring Yugi more and more each day as his 'real' person came out.

_But Yugi needed him…he needed someone to look after him…_

…_and his babies…_

_Foster father __**told**__ him he _**needed**_ to be looked after…he needed a man to support him or he'd starve…_

Yugi had never known what childhood was, and he was afraid the same was happening to his own children. He had been in an orphanage since he was an infant, which wasn't a pleasant life to begin with. When he was six his foster father adopted him… Yugi was eighteen now, but still a small runt. The years of neglect and starvation stunted his height and growth something terrible and now he had the appearance of a small child. His foster father told him not to regret it though…

_Apparently, he was __**supposed**__ to look like this…_

…_**men**__ liked it…_

…_they__** liked**__ his young feminine looks…they __**liked**__ his small stature…his vulnerable form…_

And Bakura was his current buyer. He was hardly at home, so Yugi knew he could relax until the next afternoon until he'd have to see the wretched man again.

_Man…men…males…_

_He hated them…Yugi hated men…he would never do to another what they did to him on a daily basis, he would _never_ use his privates and strong hands to hurt the innocent, but so many men did…_

KNOCK KNOCK

The covers that lay tangled on the bed around Yugi were in his clutches in an instant, his hands trembling like a leaf as he barely managed to throw them over his naked body, yelping as he shot up into a shitting position. His ass was searing with pain, and he could feel fluid dripping out of it, most likely his own blood and Bakura's semen. It was a disgusting thought, but he had long forgotten to react to it; it was a common thing to him now.

If it had been Bakura at the door he would have just carried on laying there, hoping to be ignored or told to fuck off and cook a meal, but he knew Bakura had left, so the only other person who could have knocked would be his son.

_His son…_

…_his 'bastard' son…_

The child had been the unfortunate product of his first few rapes by his foster father. The man claimed to be teaching Yugi. Teaching him and preparing him…

He said Yugi wouldn't survive in the real world…he wasn't smart enough, or rich enough…or _special_ enough…

He told him that _this_ is how he would survive…

"_Just lay on your back, boy, that's all you need to do…"_

"_It…it hurts!"_

"_I know, kitten, but bear with me…"_

"_I d-don't want…please…"_

"_If you squeeze down on it you'll make me finish sooner…then we can stop…"_

"…_really…?"_

"_Do it and you'll see,"_

"_Ngh…Ah…s-sore-AH!"_

"_Oh gods, Yugi…my son…good boy…good boy…"_

Yugi had been only thirteen when he fell pregnant. He was afraid and alone despite the man's constant 'attention'. He didn't understand why foster father did all that to him…he wasn't his wife…he wasn't even a girl! But now he knew…foster father was preparing him for life, so that he could survive…

When it came out that Yugi was indeed pregnant his foster father had demanded him to get an abortion.

_A backstreet abortion… _

…_By his own hands…_

He said babies were a nuisance…that he didn't want to have one around at the moment…

Yugi had let the man do many things to him, but killing his innocent unborn child was more than he could allow. He was already wasted and ruined, but his child still had a chance. Yugi had only been a child himself, but he knew killing was wrong, no matter how small the human.

It was a horrific experience when he came home to find the man setting up a small surgery station in their basement, sharp silver tools placed carefully on a nearby table. As if that wasn't enough, Yugi had literally fought for both his and the unborn child's life, screaming his lungs out in terrified wails of helplessness as he was chased around the house, tears streaming as panic cripple him, being more frightened than he had ever been before in his life.

How could foster father do that to him…? Didn't he love him? Care for him? Was he only a pet? A pet that was assumed to have no emotions? It sure felt like that most of the time…

He had managed to escape, having nothing but the flimsy clothes on his back as he ran through the pouring rain, his small hands in fists as they swished through the air as he bolted away from the house of horrors. He could barely see from the combination of his own tears and the heavy downfall of rain, but all he knew was that he had made it out.

Though…he made it back into a similar position…

_Mariku_…he had been the first…he was similar to Bakura…insane and evil, and took joy in hurting him. He was also a child molester. Yugi had met him at a park. The teen had found a dry spot from the rain and sat there in self-pity. He decided to stay a little longer and once the rain cleared up the kids all flocked to play. And so did the predators.

His foster father warned him about them, but what could they do to him that hadn't been done already? Foster father seemed just as bad to him now as they did…

Mariku was a tall and muscular man, pale blond hair poking out at every direction, his sharp eyes always narrowed into a lusty stare. He had been leaning against a tree when Yugi spotted him. He was staring at a group of small children on the monkey bars, slyly applying pressure to the bulge in his pants.

The sight sickened Yugi to his stomach, and he frantically looked around for the mothers of the children but he found none, they were too busy flirting with passing men.

Yugi was young and not very educated, but he knew what men wanted, foster father taught him so, and just _what_ they looked liked _when_ they wanted something, and he saw clear lust in the man's eyes.

So, he did what would benefit both him and those poor children…

He approached the man…

"_Hello…Mr…"_

Yugi knew the man wouldn't be able to resist his wide innocent eyes and tiny form, foster father told him it was catnip for many men…

The man stared at him in shock for a few seconds at the sudden approach, but it soon melted into a sultry smile that automatically told Yugi what he was in for.

"…_My, my, my…what do we have here…?"_

"…_I'm lost, Mr…"_

"…_Are you now?"_

It had been too easy to have the man take him in. In fact, he was sure Mariku would have taken home one or possibly even two of the children if he hadn't intervened.

"_I…I'm cold…and I'm hungry…"_

It was the most perfect words he could have spoken.

"_Well, we can't have that, can we? Such a small thing like you needs to be taken care of…"_

"_P-please help me…" 'And forget those poor children…'_

"_Oh I'll help you, young one…let's get you into a warm bed and fix you some soup…special soup…sound good?"_

"_Yes, Mr…"_

"_Call me…Papa…"_

Mariku had taken Yugi home, tucked him in his own bed and indeed made him soup. Only the soup had been drugged. Yugi hadn't thought to mention he hadn't needn't to do that, Yugi didn't plan on leaving soon, he needed a roof and food, like foster father taught him, and he was perfectly capable of keeping the man happy as payment.

He had woken properly a few days later, sore and dizzy, in the middle of being pounded into the mattress by Mariku. He had panicked, as for the moment in his fogged state he hadn't known where he was and who was causing the pain, so he struggled.

He had ended up black and blue, a trembling bloody mess of snot and tears.

Foster father had never hit him…he had been gentle, always treating him like a little girl.

But Mariku was rough, he hit him often, just to see him cry like a baby…he got off on it…

Yugi suffered through five gruelling months with Mariku. It kept the sick man off the streets, but it caused Yugi hours at a time of horror.

_But he wouldn't leave…_

_No…he wouldn't survive if he left…he'd starve to death on the streets…cold and alone…foster father __**said**__**so**_

_Foster father had taught him how to survive…and he did…_

_He wouldn't leave…_

_At least not until he had given birth… and Mariku… he…he…he tried to…_

The thought was unthinkable, and it caused Yugi a real amount of mental scarring…so he **had** to leave. Whether he wanted to or not.

He had thought foster father was bad…but now he knew why Mariku had been 'happy' about him being pregnant.

_He wanted the child._

_He wanted to hurt his baby, his infant son…he wanted to…_**fiddle**_ with him…_

That was the second time he had run away in the pouring rain, this time clutching a tiny child in his arms as he ran, his bare feet slapping against the hard, unforgiving cement as he ran all the way to town, in the middle of the night during a storm. His son was a month old and so still very young, but Yugi had to risk it, he couldn't let harm come to him, Mariku was not stable.

Mariku had grown bored of him, of his willingness, and so it was time to find someone new.

_That is what foster father taught him…keep the man happy for as long as possible, try get as much out of him as he could before he threw you away…_

_Mariku didn't have much to begin with…but he had food, and that was what Yugi needed…_

But that part of his life was over, and a new page had begun in a dirty, rat-infested back alley two nights after he ran away…

"_What are you doing out here?"_

"…_Nothing…"_

"_It's late, little boy. Where are your folks?"_

"…_dead."_

"_Oh…-My goodness! Is that a baby?"_

"…_Yes…"_

"_What on earth are you both doing out here?!"_

Yugi could have asked him the same thing. The gentleman looked extremely wealthy, dressed in a proper suit, gold rings adorning his fingers as he held them in shock to his cheeks, his grey hair forming curtains over his thin, pointed face. What was a proper man like him doing in an alley?

"_Come, child! Come, I'll take you somewhere safe,"_

Yugi was shocked a week later when he ended up in the man's bed. He did have the _pedo_ vibe to him, but he hadn't even hinted towards something like that for the first few days. He had been graciously kind and sweet, treating Yugi like an honoured guest and entertaining him as if he were a child.

Only once Yugi had opened up and explained vaguely about what had happened to him did Mr. Pegasus make a move.

He hadn't _hurt_ Yugi, no, but it was weird, the man was old enough to be his father, acted like a school girl and watched cartoons all day. Foster father never taught him about men like this…

But essentially it all boiled down to the same thing…_sex_...

Even though Mr. Pegasus was gentle and even loving, he still became a 'man' when it came to sex. Yugi gradually became his lover, and he ended up pregnant again. He couldn't complain though, he was thoroughly looked after and well taken care of, and his son who he decided to call Atem, after his obsession with Egypt, was well looked after as well. This was good…he was being looked after…and loved…he was loved…

That was until he found out Mr. Pegasus was **already** married…

"_Please! Don't do this! I need you!"_

"_I'm sorry, Yugi-boy…but Cecilia has returned to me, and I have never stopped loving her. I cannot let her find out about this, so I have to let you go-"_

"_I don't have anywhere else to go! Please-! I-I'm having your baby!"_

"_I am truly sorry, Yugi. I did not plan this…good bye-"_

"_No!PLEASE! Wait!"_

The door that was slammed in his crumpled face seemed to clash against his very soul. He fumbled feebly with the door handle, tears rolling down his plump cheeks as he tried desperately to pry open the door and dive into the safety and security that Mr. Pegasus had to offer.

_Not again…_

_What was he doing wrong? He did everything foster father taught him! He had even managed to get pregnant just to assure the man would stay with him! Foster father had always told him that many women did it to trick men into marriage, into contracts for their money, and if push came to shove Yugi should do it too._

_Mariku hadn't work out at all…but Pegasus…he was rich and kind, he was perfect! But now…now he was back to square one! He was kicked out because the man's wife had returned to him after a years split._

_That was not fair…Yugi worked hard to keep the man happy the past few months, dressing in weird bunny outfits to play out the man's hidden fantasies, acting like a little housewife, humouring him, and now…now _this**woman** _simply prances back into his life and Yugi gets the boot…_

He should have known 'the other woman' never wins…

By the time Yugi was seventeen he no longer saw himself as a person. He no longer saw himself as a human being. Sure he ate and slept like a regular person, but he sure wasn't treated as one. He wasn't smart school-wise having been pulled out by his foster father just before high school, but he knew the selfish ways of the world. He was a slave to the world, dirt under everyone's feet, and no one could tell him different.

After Pegasus he had ended up trespassing in a warehouse that belonged to a local gang. He hadn't meant to, he was cold and the door was open, so he hid in the dark with his child. Until he was found by the gang.

To this day Yugi was grateful for a blond man named Joey. The elderly teen had protected him as much as he could that night from his gang brothers, but there was only so much he could do. Yugi became the whore of the gang, though mostly to their leader, Ushio. Yugi wasn't sure if he would have preferred to have Mariku back; Ushio had beat him often, claiming to be beating some strength into him. But Yugi never got any stronger, he knew he wouldn't.

He had stayed with them for a few months. It was worse than being with Mariku, but he was fed and given a bed every night so he had to be grateful. Foster father always told him to be _grateful_ to the man looking after him.

_But what if that man was hurting him more than looking after him?_

He almost had a miscarriage and ended up in hospital, Joey apologizing heartily by his side when he lay drugged on the hospital bed. Yugi was grateful for his care, but he was still sceptical; Joey was a man after all. During his week stay at the hospital he was released, and sat for hours outside with Atem in his arms, waiting for Joey or Ushio to come back and fetch him and take him 'home'.

_But they never did…_

_They left him there…they left him alone, with no home, no food, no protection…as if they didn't care…what was he doing wrong?_

_He was so useless…no unwanted…_

When the sun had finally set he had come to terms with the heart wrenching fact that he was abandoned once more and he forced himself to his feet and left, wandering the dangerous streets while crying silent tears. No one loved him. No one cared…he would die…die alone on the streets…

…no…**No**

He couldn't die yet, not with Atem and his unborn baby. They needed a home…and he would find them one…

After Ushio's scenario was a pimp named Duke, and that was when the drugs began. Yugi had given birth to a little girl that he named Heba, and after that he had begun prostitution.

_Foster father said it was just like any other job…it was just business…that is was a quick way to make money._

Duke had picked up Yugi from a street corner. The teen was shivering in the cold night air, barely clothed and looking like a skeleton as he attempted to show-off his thin legs off to passing men. As perverted as Duke was, it bothered him to see the young teen hanging on a street corner trying to prostitute himself while his two young children sat wrapped in a torn jacket against the brick wall of the dilapidated building, watching their mother with silent stares.

Atem was now old enough to know how to hold Heba, so he sat back against the cold brick, holding his little sister against his small chest. He had the jacket wrapped around them tightly so the wind couldn't hit their sensitive skin. The cold cement floor was torture against their fragile limbs, but there was no complaining about it. Their mother was trying…trying so hard to feed them…trying to hard to clothe them…

Duke took pity and brought them back to the brothel where he gave them a room. Yugi had balled his eyes out, having slept with the children in a cardboard box for a week in a park, and so he was grateful for the help.

_It wasn't for free though…nothing was or will ever be for free…_

Duke was a pleasant lay, he taught Yugi about pleasure from sex, he taught Yugi secrets and tips, styles and positions. Yugi had thought he knew it all…but foster father had left many things out that Duke filled him in on. Yugi's feelings were almost non-existent now, and so he did it all with a blank face. It was all just business.

_Riding Duke until he couldn't feel his legs was just business..._

_Prostituting in Duke's bar was just business…_

…_taking drugs…well, that was just pleasure…_

Love was a concept that did not exist. Yugi was absolutely sure about that. At least…romantic love. It was lust.

That was where he met Bakura. The white haired man had come in looking for a good time, and Yugi happily offered his services. He was good at what he did, and he had slowly learnt not to cling and depend on another as he had done with Mariku and Pegasus. He earned his own keep here.

Bakura was an exciting man, full of adventurous tales of his life of thieving. Yugi was also attracted to the man, his body large and muscular…full of hair and veins, his scent practically _oozing_ masculinity…

…_like his _**should**_ have been…_

"_Why wasn't I just born a girl?"_ Yugi would wonder out aloud, lying weakly in Bakura's strong arms, his body limp from a round of not very consensual sex.

"_Because you wouldn't be as sexy then…"_

Bakura was completely gay, so how was he the best judge? Eventually Yugi decided to move in with the man, infatuated and lost in a period of blind emotion. It was not love…it was only lust…and greed. But what did it matter to him? Love…lust…it was all the same to Yugi…

Bakura had money and looks, and he wanted a sex toy that did not come with opinions and a loud mouth like women did. Yugi wanted the money, needed the money, and fucking a handsome guy for a change was better than nothing. Moreover, he was emotionally and mentally scarred, so he didn't know what a real relationship was supposed to be like. That fact was a bonus for Bakura.

The teen was happily pleased with a few wet kisses as a sign of affection, then bent over for a good fucking to keep Bakura happy so he could raid Bakura's wallet and sleep in peace with his little brats. And Bakura made sure to work him hard, he was housing the whore and two bloody kids after all, he wasn't going to let that pass by for free. He didn't give a damn about the kids really, as long as they didn't come within a few meters radius of him and didn't make a noise, so Yugi was happy to have them out of the whore house. Yugi didn't want them growing up in such an environment…

Now as he sat up shakily in Bakura's bed, he cleared his throat and croaked out a reply to the soft knocks. He held the covers over most of his legs and against his chest, covering up the dirty evidence of Bakura's 'play time'. His eyes drooped from exhaustion, and it was an effort to keep the grimace of pain off his young, tender face.

"C-come in,"

After a few seconds, the handle turned slowly, and the door clicked open. Poking his head around the door was Atem, his wide amethyst eyes searching and full of worry as they landed on Yugi's damp form. He held onto the handle with both of his small hands, his short-cropped black hair in contrast with his pale skin.

Yugi sighed at the sight…_the boy looked just like him_. He was small and almost feminine, and Yugi knew foster father would have told him to teach him his skills as well. But **no**…that was **wrong**.

After a moment of staring Yugi cracked a smile and raised a fake but playful brow, "…What's wrong? Heba beat you at wrestling again?"

Atem stayed silent, his face blank but his eyes burning with fire. With worry. With knowledge.

Atem was no fool.

"…Why do you let him hurt you, mommy? Why can't you say no?"

The words brought tears to Yugi's eyes, and his heart plummeted into his stomach. Atem just stared at him from the doorway, slowly releasing the door handle to ball his little hands into fists. Yugi wanted to roll over and cry. Cry and cry into the pillow, wail until he had no voice.

_He was a useless parent…_

_He was a useless human…_

_He was a useless lover…_

_He was a useless thing…what was he?_

_Nothing…he was nothing._

"_You're an attachment that men screw on the bed to get the housework done."_ That phrase from Bakura's mouth two days after Yugi moved in with him had never left his mind, it was still bouncing wildly off the walls of his skull.

Yugi didn't know what Atem had seen to make him say such things, but he didn't want to know either. Maybe it was all the cuts and bruises…

"Mommy's f-fine, honey…you-you hungry?" Yugi sniffled, wiping away the tears before they fell and pulling on a heart-warming smile.

Atem hadn't seen anything sexual, but it was hard to miss his mother's screams. Some were in pleasure, Yugi had to admit, but it was all the same to Atem. That man was hurting his mother. And he used the sharp knives on his mother. He couldn't tell _what_ happened, but he knew _it_ happened every night, and it kept him up, as well as Heba, and his mommy would come into their room late every night, limping and full of sores, desperately trying to put Heba to sleep so she didn't bug _that man _with her cries.

Atem didn't understand why they couldn't just leave. He didn't like 'Daddy Bakura'; he was mean and often smacked him for nothing. He wanted to leave. But he wanted to eat too…was that why his mommy stayed, because Daddy Bakura fed them?

"Yes, mommy…" Atem answered, his fists loosening and fastening around his petite waist. Yugi nodded and shifted silently to the edge of the bed, holding in his breath, as well as pained sobs. He hung his head as he moved, hiding his grimace from his son. Bakura had done a number on him tonight, cutting him more than he had ever before. Why was Bakura so sadistic now…he wasn't this violent when Yugi lived at the brothel, he was so nice!

"_I pay the bills in this house! I pay the rent! I buy the food! This is __**my **__house and what __**I**__ say goes!"_

Those words were spoken by Bakura a few days ago, and they slapped Yugi out of his stupor. Bakura wasn't looking after him anymore. He was only hurting him now. Yugi didn't care much for himself, but he needed to make sure the children were seen to, even if he starved.

Yugi sent Atem out of the room while he quickly washed up and slipped on one of Bakura's shirts. He did it to make the man happy but he noticed it was having little effect as of late. Still, he did it anyway, and stopped by the children's room to fetch Heba.

Heba was around three now. She was Pegasus' daughter, and her long grey hair proved it. Her eyes were small like Pegasus' too, but they were a dark amethyst, proving she was still Yugi's flesh and blood. She was a feisty little one, and often bullied Atem. She also didn't like Bakura one bit, having thrown a spoon at him once, hitting a bull's-eye on the forehead.

To Atem it was hilarious, but the backhand both he and Yugi received wasn't.

In the kitchen Yugi set Heba down on the counter, Atem leaning against the next counter as Yugi padded as gently as he could to the refrigerator. He reached out and grabbed the handle, wincing as he pulled it open, and felt his stomach drop.

Empty.

It was empty.

_It wasn't supposed to be empty, it should be full of food_.

And now Bakura was gone, who knows for how long before he even brings back food from the store. Yugi stared at the empty ice filled rows, the hair on his neck standing as he felt the stares of his little children burn into his back.

How would he feed them now?

_Bakura was useless…_

…_or maybe it was _he_ who was useless…_

…_Yes…he couldn't please the man anymore…so Bakura was starving him…fine…_

_That was fine…_

_But there was no fucking way in hell his children would starve._

Yugi belittled himself for becoming dependent on the man, and hung his head as he asked Atem to help him search the house for money. He'd find whatever money there was…buy food for the kids…and leave.

Leave this house of pain and hopefully find greener pastures.

Maybe he should go back to foster father…he wasn't pregnant anymore…though it had been years…the man could've forgotten about him and moved away.

_Yes…that sounds about right…forgotten about him…_

_Everyone forgot about him…the world forgot about him…_

_The gods forgot about him._

That was fine, he was used to it. Yugi didn't very much fancy going back to foster father, he had never been comfortable with him, never felt safe or at home…foster father did things to him, things daddies did to mommies…not daddies to sons…

By now, Yugi was used to walking barefoot on the cold cement on a drizzling night, sniffling back tears as he forced himself onwards. He was admittedly afraid of leaving Bakura's home as he couldn't be sure he'd make it out here. After all, it was the middle of the night in town and he didn't know anyone. He could go back to Duke, but that was on the other side of town, he couldn't walk there tonight, he was exhausted!

He towed Atem by the hand, and held Heba in his right arm as they walked into town, Yugi already scanning the streets for a possible candidate, just like foster father taught him. Look for the best clothes, the briefcases…

Atem was so confused. He had so many different 'daddies'. Each one he had to call daddy, then watch them beat mommy, make him cry and hurt. Would he too do that one day? Make a mommy cry and hurt?

_No…mommy told him not to be like these bad men…_

Besides needing food, Yugi needed drugs. Bakura fed his habit, most likely so he complied more when the knives came out, but all the same, Yugi needed his hit.

_He was ashamed as he walked…_

…_walked away from the children…_

…_Their young eyes watching from besides a large bin as their mother walked away, clad in Bakura's shirt, his slim legs swaying as he approached the drug dealers…_

_Yugi was ashamed…but he needed it…he needed to stay strong…the drugs kept him strong…they kept his weak emotions at bay…they made him forget…they made him…_robotic.

"_Need something…babe?" _asked one of the drug dealers as Yugi approached them. Yugi knew he would've thought he was a child, but the evidence of what had recently happened to him was too obvious. He was in a huge shirt that just barely covered his legs, his hair mattered and his lips swollen, not to mention all the marks on his body, marking him to his current 'man'.

"_I…I need a hit…"_

"_Of what?"_

"…_anything you have…"_

"_How much you got?"_

"…"

"_Ah, one of _those_…"_

"…_please?"_

"_Come with me, we'll…make a plan."_

"_L-let me get the babies first…"_

"_You got kids?"_

Yugi never did things in front of the children…he never showed them…he hid them in the closet when he pleasured the man for his hit. He was too sore for sex, he promised sex tomorrow night…

And so he fell back into prostitution. This time for the drug dealers, being their 'moll'. They treated him well, fed him, gave him drugs and even his own room. His children were cooed over by the other molls and the men admire Atem's strength in the situation. Yugi was happier here…Bakura had been all wrong for him…wrong for his children…

This isn't what foster father wanted for him…

He wanted Yugi to get married to a rich man…not to be the town bicycle…

But he didn't bother to find Yugi either, he just forgot about him…Pegasus just forgot about him and their daughter…he never saw Duke again either…or Joey…he was alone…but he was happier here with the dealers than he had been in a long time…

Until the police raided.

His home was torn apart. His bed was taken from him…his men locked up…

Then again so was he. Kinda…

"_What's your name?"_ Head Detective Seto Kaiba asked him as they sat in his office in the police station.

"_Yugi."_

"_Do you have any ID?"_

"_No,"_

"_Family?"_

"…_No."_

"_Are these your siblings?"_

"…_My children."_

"…_How old are you?"_

"_I think eighteen…or nineteen."_

"_You were living with the dealers?"_

"_Yes…"_

"_Why? Where are the mothers of the children?"_

"_I am the mother."_

"…_Are one or possibly two of the dealers the fathers?"_

"_No…"_

"_Then why are you with them?"_

"_I needed a home."_

"_You sold yourself to them for a home?"_

"…_yes…"_

"_I'm guessing as well as drugs?"_

"…"

"_Where are the fathers of the children?"_

"_They don't want me."_

"_If you give me some information I can help you, Yugi. They can be forced to pay child support, I can help you get a pension from the government, it will help you and the children."_

"…_I don't know."_

Yugi really didn't know anything. He had an idea where Pegasus lived but he was famous, it would cause a whole big business and he didn't need to beg for anything…he **wouldn't** beg again…not to an ungrateful man…

"_This is Yami, he will help you get back on your feet."_

Yugi was mesmerized by this Yami man. He was gorgeous, and looked just like him, albeit for manly differences. The man was lightly tanned and had a toned body underneath his tight clothes. He was assigned to take Yugi and the children in to help Yugi become independent…help him find a job…teach him better parenting skills…

_Yeah right…_

_Yami would use him…_

_Just like all the other men…_

"_This is your new home. I hope you will feel comfortable soon." _

Yugi stared around at Yami's beautiful home, clutching Heba against his chest, Atem hiding behind him.

"_It's…lovely…"_

Yami really did try, to Yugi's surprise. He tried to teach Yugi morals, ethics, and manners. He gave Yugi jeans, and long shirts, he said he didn't have to show his body. He gave Yugi books, took him to the library, and showed him what to learn first.

He also played with the children. He made Atem smiled. He bought them toys, and fed them dessert after dinner. He bought Heba pretty dresses. He was kind to them… and he was smart. Yami was…right.

This was the man foster father trained Yugi for…not those men outside.

It was strange for Yugi, living with Yami and not 'paying' for his keep. Didn't Yami want payment? Didn't he think about touching Yugi…using him at night…pretending they were a happy couple until he became bored? All men wanted that…so why didn't Yami? Was he not doing things right? Was he giving Yami wrong signals?

All men wanted sex, and food, and a good bitch at home…foster father and the movies on TV said so. He'd seen it everywhere, and experienced it more than enough times. He knew it was true, so why didn't Yami approach him with such suggestions? The closest the man had come to him was when they were watching a horror film, and held Yugi through a terrifying scene to calm the frightened teen, but even then it felt completely innocent and caring, no lust or suggestiveness…

Yami was a good man…

"…_Are you married?"_

"_Nope."_

"…_why not?"_

"_I…I just haven't found the right person."_

Really now?

Yugi stayed with Yami for a few months, and had begun school again. He was reluctant at the thought, but it turned out that Yami was qualified to teach him at home, and so he did. There was a lot to be done, but Yami never pulled a face. He loved his job, he love helping others. He loved…well…he grew attached to the beautiful broken boy living with him. He wanted to help him.

Yugi's tales tore at his heart even though he had taken in many other young people before. He loved helping others, and he knew he had a long way to go with Yugi. The poor thing was damaged beyond repair, but Yami tried. He wanted Yugi to trust him, to know there was at least one good man in the dark world.

Yugi was sincerely grateful to Yami, but…it seemed to good to be true. Yugi began cooking more often, doing more of the chores, cleaning and fixing holes in Yami's clothes. He wanted Yami to like him…to want him… want him more than a pathetic victim.

Yami hadn't touched him inappropriately once. He never even hinted. He was only friendly. He had even gotten Yugi all kinds of medicine to get him off the drugs, cleaning his system out and soon Yugi was smiling again, putting on healthy weight and being happier.

_He hadn't been hurt by Yami. _

_He hadn't been touched by Yami. _

_He hadn't been starved by Yami. _

_He hadn't been cut by Yami. _

_Yami hadn't been a 'man' to Yugi._

Yami really cared for him…he really looked after him just the way foster father said a good man would. But…Yami was only doing his job…Yugi wanted this forever. He wanted Yami to love him…Yami was the best thing to happen to him-!

He thought…he thought he loved Yami.

But love didn't exist… did it?

"Yami?"

"Yes, Yugi?"

"…Thank you for taking care of us."

Yami smiled brightly, almost knocking Yugi off his feet with the pure care that shone from his eyes, "It's no problem, Yugi. But you should lay off on the house work, I managed fine before you. You just need to study and spend time with Heba and Atem."

_He even called the children by their names…_

"…I want to do the housework."

"You shouldn't worry about it. Remember what I said? You're not a housewife, you're a young, soon-to-be independent man."

Yugi's stomach clenched…

_He had realized in his time with Yami that he didn't _want_ to be independent._

_He _**wanted**_ to be looked after._

_No matter how much he studied he'd never be able to be a real person in the world._

_He was scared…_

_He was useless…no matter what…his life had proved it…everyone he met proved it…or…most of everyone…_

"I…I can't…"

"Sorry?"

"Please don't send me away."

"…What do you mean?"

"I can make you happy, Yami! I can stay and make you happy!"

Yami really liked Yugi, but he was supposed to be teaching the boy to be independent and become an adult. He'd been through hell from what Yugi had told him during their counselling sessions, and he knew he needed to help the boy find his self confidence and self esteem.

Even if…he did feel something…that would be betraying Yugi and his job. He couldn't hurt the teen…he was to care for him like a father, not a lover. Yugi needed a friend, not a lover.

"No, Yugi. Once your studies are done, I'll help you find a job and eventually your own place."

_He wanted Yugi out…just like them all…he thought Yami was different…_

"Please…I need you Yami," Yugi begged as he stood clutching to Yami's shirt in the man's room, "I-I can be your w-wife-"

"No, Yugi-"

"Please! I won't make it!"

"Yes you will! That is what I am teaching you!"

"No!Please! I n-need you!"

Yami hadn't given in to Yugi's pleading, he refused and sent Yugi to his room. Yugi had cried his eyes out that night. Yami felt terrible, but he had to make Yugi see he was different. If he _was_ like all the other men, he would have accepted Yugi proposal and bedded him the same night. But he wasn't like that…he needed Yugi to see that.

But Yugi didn't see it that way…

_No one wanted him…he could make Yami happy…he could give him pleasure just as well as any woman…didn't Yami want him…? Maybe he didn't even like Yugi…_

_Yes…Yami was too good for Yugi._

Yami was a good man, with a good job and a good home. He didn't need such trash in his house…he wanted Yugi out…

_Trash…_

Stifled whimpers filled the bathroom as metal sliced and sank into soft flesh, crimson liquid surfacing and running out like a stream as the sound of flesh tearing filled the air. Bakura had taught him this…taught him to release the pain…it helped Yugi…and made him feel better…

But he hadn't known his blood was thin and weak from the medicine Yami gave him to counter the drugs that Yugi had taken. Yugi hadn't realized…

As the blood poured from his arm the knife in his hand slipped from his grasp, clinking loudly against the tile floor as he watched his blood begin to pool at his side.

He didn't mean for this…he couldn't die yet…his babies needed him…but now in a stupid moment he made the wrong decision…

His heart began pounding frantically as the blood was pumping through his arteries, only it didn't return through his veins back to his heart, it was lost by the deep cut in his arm.

He looked back to the door as he leaned against the bathtub,

'_Yami…'_

"…'ami…"

"Yami…"

"Yami…!"

"YAMI!"

Yami hadn't been sure he had heard his name being called, but when he heard the frightened scream he scrambled out of his troubled thoughts as well as his bed and raced to the source. He found Yugi in an upstairs bathroom. As he flung the door open he was met with a sight he never thought he'd see in his own house.

Yugi was covered in blood, clutching weakly at his arm as he tried to stifle the blood flow, his beautiful face set into a heartbreaking expression, he was so scared.

"I'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorry…" Yugi began chanting as he caught sight of Yami's horrified expression.

_He was a failure…_

_He was useless…_

_He was nothing…_

But…

Then why did Yami rush to his side?

Why did Yami begin to cry?

Why did Yami panic and kick the knife away like it was a toxic object?

Why did Yami scoop him up as he blubbered his own apologizes?

…Why?

"Hold on, Yugi…please…hold on,"

Those words sounded like a distant echo to the small limp teen as Yami scooped him up in his warm arms, and cradled him against his chest.

Why?

"I'm…so…rry…"

Yugi had let Yami down. Yami had only tried to help him…and this is what he did in return…

_He was useless…_

_A burden to the living…_

_Maybe he _should_ just die…_

_No one lo-_

"I love you, Yugi…"

Yugi had never heard those words before. Never.

Not with foster father.

Not with Mariku.

Not with Pegasus.

Not with the gang.

Not with Duke.

Not with Bakura…

What did those words mean? He had done everything for all the other men, and they all threw him away like trash…he'd done everything…

But here with Yami…he'd barely done much except come out of his shell and be properly taken care of, and yet…Yami said he loved him.

Why?

"…Why?" his voice cracked as he cracked open his heavy eyelids, seeing Yami crying.

"…Because you're special. I love you…"

And those were the last words Yugi heard before he passed out from blood loss.

When he finally woke up, he noted he was in his own room, the one Yami gave to him. There was a hospital drip by his right side, a thin plastic cord trailing al the way under the blankets where it most likely led to his arm. He was warm and comfortable, but that was normal in Yami's home. Everything was warm and comfortable…

"Yugi?"

Yugi's gaze shot to his left, and he was happy to see Yami sitting on a chair at his side.

"...Ya…Yami?"

"I'm glad to see you're awake," Yami smiled with small, tired eyes. He reached out a hand and gently took hold of Yugi's, "Atem and Heba were worried sick."

Yugi's heart jumped at their names, and his eyes darted around frantically, "Where-where-?"

"They are both tucked in bed, relax."

And he did.

"…I'm…not dead?"

Yami shook his head, "No, thank God."

Yugi stared at the man silently, enjoying the warmth on his hand, and felt his lip quiver; Yami was too good for him. Yami saw his face fall and scooted closer, cupping Yugi's cheek with his hand.

"What's wrong? The children are fine, I promise. And so are you."

"…you're too good for me…"

Yami blinked, "What?"

"I d-don't deserve you…"

"Don't think like that," Yami scolded lightly, giving Yugi's face a squeeze.

Yugi held in a sniffle and hung his head, "I…I'm sorry for begging…it was pathetic…I'm pathetic…"

"You're not." Yami corrected and got up to sit on the bed at Yugi's side, his face falling sullen, "Yugi…I…I just…"

"I know," Yugi cut in, "You don't have to explain. I understand…"

"Yugi I love you," Yami blurted out, Yugi looking up in surprise, "I do. But that is why I am doing this."

…What?

"What…what do you mean?"

"I mean that I want to see you better yourself. I want to see you prosper and stand on your own feet. If I didn't care for you I would have done what all those men did and lock you away. They brainwashed you into thinking you could do nothing for yourself, I am trying to get that out of your head. You are better than you think you are and I want to you to be someone one day. It doesn't have to be now though, I'll keep looking after you until you are ready."

Yugi's heart burst with excitement at those words, and tears of joy cascaded down his cheeks. He gripped onto Yami's wrist with shaky hands, "I l-lov-"

"No," Yami cut in, "Don't say it. Only once you really understand those words I want you to say them. For now, just let me love and care for you."

Yugi frowned but nodded anyway. He licked his dry lips and relaxed his body into the warm, humming softly. "I…I can…I mean…don't you want me…-?"

"Yugi, love isn't about sex. Love can be done without sex. I know that is what you were taught all these years but I will never ask you for sex-"

"But y-you can, I don't m-mind, it's not a big thing-"

"That is where you are wrong."

"…I am?"

"Sex _is_ a big thing, Yugi. It should only be done between two people who are in love and who are comfortable. I don't think you have ever been in love or comfortable with it."

Yugi's heart clenched at the truth in those words. "…so…you won't…with me…ever?"

Yami's eyes softened, and he ever so slowly leaned forward, planting a feathery kiss on Yugi's forehead, "Only once you realize what love is will you know when to make love. Maybe one day, when you aren't in my care as a trauma victim, we can experience together what love is..."

"…Will you wait for me?"

"I will."

"Thank you…Yami…"

"I love you, Yugi…as a brother, as a son…as a friend," He smiled, brushing his knuckles down Yugi's cheek, "…one day as my love…"

**XxXxXxXxXx**

**The title is from Michael Bolton's song 'Murder my heart'. That wasn't the inspiration, but I felt the title was somewhat fitting. I love this song too lol, it's lovely!**

**Care to tell me how you felt at a certain part or what you thought of a certain situation? Whatever you felt or even how not sad this was!**

**There is threeshot a sequel: Ghosts of Nightmare Past**


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